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In the vaults of the Stout Library was a key

to unlock the campus’darkest secret...

An Interesting Find
On the top floor of the UW-Stout library, in the last row of books, Ryan hugs an
armful of seemingly ancient texts to his side while searching for one last written source that
will complete the research for his first college-level paper. His disposition is anything but
thrilled as he extends his free arm towards the spine of a book and slowly pulls it from its
place. Much to his dismay, a small leather-bound book escapes from behind his selection
and lands at his feet in a cloud of dust. Frustrated, Ryan lets the other books at his side fall
to the floor and attempts to kick the small, black book out of his way, but he overestimates
his own strength. He ends up flat on his back on the library floor and decides that it is time
for a study break. Ryan sighs, rolls over to face the little leather book, and opens its yellow
pages. On the first page he reads a formal, spidery handwritten title: “The Journal of the
Very Unfortunate Edward Warren.” Ryan is immediately intrigued.

An Unsettling Discovery “Without much practical thought on the matter, I set off
After flipping through quite a few odd stories in the small, after the furry fiend. I followed the squirrel through the
black book, Ryan is perplexed. The book was written as if it was Administration building, up the flight of stairs, and right into the
a journal, but he can’t understand how one person could be so Chancellor’s office where I stopped in horror. I watched the
unfortunate. It seemed as if Edward Warren had been through squirrel run up the Chancellor’s arm and hop right into the top
almost every weird happenstance on campus one could of the Chancellor’s cranium, which opened like the hatch of a
imagine. With a mostly skeptical yet undeniably curious submarine! The hatch shut and the Chancellor spun around in
viewpoint, Ryan flips through the journal to read one more his chair yelling at me to get out of his office. I ran out, the door
story near the end of the book. immediately slammed behind me, and I paused only long
Edward explains in his sprawled enough to hear the Chancellor unwrap the
handwriting, “So there I was, sitting on the sandwich and take a huge bite.” Stunned at
lawn studying for a test. Suddenly, I was what he has just read, Ryan decides his study
bombarded with distractions: insects, sun, break is over, only to open the journal later on
wind, and strange music coming from a fourth that night in his dorm room.
floor dorm window. Finally, when I was about
fed up, a fearless squirrel teetered over and A Bigger Problem
began sniffing at the tips of my shoes. I was Ryan reads page after page of hypotheses
taken back by this friendly wildlife display and for Edward’s discovery. Hallucinations…aliens…
very carefully set my book down to pick up my hyper-intelligent super-rodents bent on taking
journal. However, the movement caused me over the educational system one faculty
knock down the brown paper bag containing member at a time? The possibilities were
my lunch. Before I had a chance to react, the endless. Ryan reads on as Edward gathers the
squirrel had run up my leg, snatched my courage to bring the matter to the monthly
sandwich, and scurried away.” faculty board meeting.
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